My Daughter is Testing the Waters

Dear DavidPaul, I have a 13 year old daughter, and I need guidance in making the best choices for her and having the courage to carry it out. My daughter is a good girl, though she is testing the waters with me. Please help.

Valerie Greetings and blessings to you precious one. Indeed, a 13-year-old comes with their own set of challenges. Yours is not unique, and as you say, she is a very good girl. It is necessary for her to test the waters with you. It is necessary for her to be experimenting with the boundaries within your household of what is acceptable and what is not.

This is a required part of being thirteen. If it is not done at thirteen, it will be done at some other time with bigger, loftier challenges, with things that are perhaps more intense, impacting, life-threatening, and so on. To allow her to do this at thirteen is somewhat safer than not allowing her to do this now and attempting to control a 13-year-old out of testing the waters and waiting for them to do this at a later time, because it will happen at some point. It is important for you to be clear with yourself as to what the boundaries are.

What are your priorities? What are the things that matter to you that you need to set boundaries or rules on? Then allow everything else to fall away. Anything that is not worth taking a stand on, let go, and allow the few things that are left to become very clear to you. Then make a commitment to yourself that you will stand by these until you feel differently.

Communicate to your daughter that these are the boundaries. These are the lines that you cannot compromise on, or this is the way that you can compromise in these areas, and be very consistent and clear and steady with those boundaries. Your job right now is to be consistent, to be committed to your priorities, and to communicate with your daughter at every opportunity. As she comes to you either having crossed a line or wanting to cross one and wanting to talk with you about it, sit with her.

Talk with her. Share with her why these things are important to you and ask her why is it important to her to cross this line. Then listen. Actually listen to your precious daughter and hear why it is important to her. Perhaps you will change your mind. Perhaps you will not.

It does not matter. The most important thing is that you will have expressed why it is important to you, and most likely this will involve how much you love her, and she will have expressed why it is important to her and you will have listened, and that is the most important part of the transaction. The kindest, most rewarding thing you can do with and for a 13-year-old is to actually hear them.

You do not have to agree, but to listen and to hear is something that is not happening for a 13-year-old in many areas of her life. You have it in you to listen and to do that which is best for your children. Continue to find that place deep within your heart and your mind that can allow you to just listen. Even when you are afraid, even when you know better, even when you do not like what your daughter is saying or doing, just listen and share from your heart your concerns or why things are important to you and do your best to not fight what is occurring.

You can do it. Blessings to you precious one. Amen.

DavidPaul Doyle has been sharing the Voice for Peace and Love within him for the past 12 years. If you desire to receive ongoing Inner Guidance to fulfill your life's purpose, visit The Voice for God or The Voice for Peace to receive 30 FREE audio messages on how to access your Inner Wisdom with confidence and clarity. Visit The Voice for Love to learn more.